I choose. . . .

I haven’t blogged about anything for weeks now. Well, nothing earth-shattering happened with me anyway, save for the torrential monsoon rains that battered my hometown and other towns these past few days (and I really don’t want to blog about this tragedy, no), and the awful flu (strange since I just had my flu shot last month) so debilitating I could not even get out of bed without having those nasty dizzy spells.Ā  I’m also still patiently waiting for my laptop’s homecoming so I’ve been on withdrawal from my online self for about a month now, yes.Ā  I haven’t done anything worthwhile, truth be told. I’ve been a total bum and I’m not proud of it.

Things will have to change soon, as soon as Monday, in fact. I have to make up for lost time. I have to prepare so many things. My sabbatical leave is about to end in a few weeks and I’m actually looking forward to teaching once again. I need to write a ton of things, academic stuff, oh dear gods in Olympus, and I will need a major miracle to be able to finish everything.

Part of me, a huge part of me wants to just drop everything, buy a ticket, and go somewhere far away. Getting a visa was never a difficult task for me so I’m confident I can fly to wherever my heart desires (or wherever my wallet agrees to go to). But is it wise? Definitely not. It will be irresponsible of me to do that, no matter how much my soul longs for it. It will just be another form of escape, you see.

It’s not the courageous path.

I must admit I’ve been weak, so weak for years now. I’ve only been pretending to be otherwise. But after months of reflection and self-analysis (bordering on paralysis even), I realized it’s time for me to stop dilly-dallying and to just get on with it. Just face my fears and fight my inner demons head-on. Enough with the excuses. Que sera, sera.

I guess this means all travels will be indefinitely grounded starting today. All distractions will be ignored.

Ermitanya mode on. Seriously, I love that word, ermitanya. There’s something so mystical about it, not to mention a sense of quiet and calm.

I’m ready for a different kind of pilgrimage.

A quest.

Now where the heck is my walking stick?