I have always defined it as ‘bittersweet longing.’ I like this definition for it’s not simply a mere longing for what’s long gone; it is sprinkled with a good dose of sweetness, and more importantly, of a bitter quality that may or may not be an aftertaste to the sudden yearning of what has come to pass.
I have no idea, truly, as to the direction of this blog entry. What I know for certain, though, is the presence of the bittersweet taste that has been lingering in my mind’s palate for quite some time now. I think I need a good brainwash to rinse away all of these nonsense. *mental gargle*
You do know what I speak of, yes? This attempt to recapture a moment, a feeling, a memory that has, for the longest time, taken residence in the crummiest cavity of your brain. Sometimes the memory stays put because you have no need for it. Maybe you’re too busy, too preoccupied with the goings on in your life, too swamped to even bother. But there are days when a certain memory, perhaps even a series of it, or worse, ten years’ worth of remembrances do compete for some quality time with your sense of longing. These are the days when you wish you can recapture every bit of it, as fresh and as new as when they happened. No judgments. No arduous point-by-point evaluation and interpretation. No uncertainties. Just things unraveling for the first time. Wouldn’t it be lovely?
One good thing about this whole nostalgia trip is the realization, I suppose, that time has passed. That hopefully, one has learned something from it, no matter how microscopic. An atom can be nuclear, yes? So yeah, one can always find comfort in that fact. There is always the learning. If not for it, then what is the point of going through all that, anyway? For kicks? I don’t think so.
Water. Delft blue. Ponte dei Sospiri. Largo from Lute Concerto in D by Vivaldi.
Quite a Classic. Sotto voce.
The ultimate question now is, what have you learned from it all?
I have no idea.